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He Doesn't Come Home Alone

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Contributed by: Monica Newton on 7/24/2008

My son surprised me the afternoon of January 2, 2004. Like others I had heard about, he kept his two-week leave from Iraq a secret. They told him to expect a lot of touching and shock and we didn't disappoint. After getting over the fact that it was indeed my son and not an official visitor at the door, the next two weeks brought sleep and prayers of thanksgiving to this mother. It also introduced us to a visitor my son brought home with him that lives with our family to this day: PTSD.

I think the most specific changes about him at first were in regard to his younger sister. Always the beloved and protective big brother, he took it to a new level. We went to get tags for his car one afternoon and I watched his twelve-year-old sister walk over to a vending machine within eyesight to get a soft drink. My son walked away from the woman at the window and took his sister by the arm and brought her back to me, admonishing me by saying "You can't let her get that far away from you because you have no idea what can happen to her."

He also had a recurring nightmare he shared with a friend and myself one evening. In the dream he is driving a Humvee and there are insurgents in front of him. On one side is the Tigris River and on the other side are innocent Iraqi civilians. In the Humvee with him are his younger brother and sister and he has a choice to make. Listening to him as he described that dream and how it made him feel broke my heart.

Before his deployment to Iraq, my son was all about family and stayed in constant contact with us. He bragged to his buddies that he came from the greatest hometown and even brought a couple home with him. After going to Iraq, contact practically became non-existent. He said once he was so homesick that he had to avoid contact or he wouldn't be able to concentrate on his job over there.

The summer after his deployment ended, I contacted his Chaplain and his First Sergeant. Both assured me that the stranger I described and requested help for was just fine. Then he was called into the office and admonished and told to get his mother off their backs. This is a story I find has a familiar ring to a lot of families after deployment.

My son left the Army with an honorable discharge and Post Traumatic Stress
Disorder, although no one knew it at the time except perhaps our family. We could see the major changes in this young man. I called the VA hospital in Oklahoma City and was asked if I knew for sure if my son was really a veteran because there were so many people "pretending" to be combat veterans.

This mama was livid. Not only did I have my son's DD214 in my hand, I had the very real experience of his memories and the stress and the nightmares and the prayers and my worry. I could tell you about every one of those hours he spent in combat; how they affected our family and friends. This was in November 2005 right after he was discharged.

Less than three months later my son was stopped one night after he got off work. He had just picked up a relative and an ex-girlfriend and was on his way home. He hadn't been drinking nor was he under any type of influence. Seeing the lights in his rearview mirror, my son went into a war zone mode. In his mind, he had to get his people to safety. Although he only went one block before the girls shook him out of his trance, he was arrested for evading police. This was a young man who had never had a single traffic ticket and it had long been joked in our family that he could charm any police officer. Being an average young man, he had had his share of traffic stops but never a single ticket.

We know that my son experienced a common symptom of Post Traumatic Stress that night known as a stressor. No one cared to listen, though. He was given probation and to this day I believe that the VA system turning its back on him caused a lot of this. The shame he felt over that night has never left him yet he did nothing wrong. He got out of the car that night apologizing and confused. Since then, my son has experienced textbook PTSD and we are in the process of getting him the help that he needs and deserves as a combat veteran.

A year later, my hometown newspaper ran a story that the new VA hospital director remarked there were no complaints out of my area. This article came on the heels of the Walter Reed hospital scandal. I immediately called his secretary, requested a fax number and asked if he would like mine alphabetically or chronologically. That afternoon, after nearly a year and a half of trying, my son was finally recognized as a combat war veteran by the United StatesDepartment of Veterans' Affairs. Within weeks he was finally diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

There is a two-year window recognized by the VA system in which a veteran must register. I believe that is why it is so hard to get into the system even with a DD214. My advice to any family member of a returning combat veteran is to document everything. I have done so...who I spoke to, the dates, every symptom. Even now my son's case file gets "lost" on occasion in the system but I keep copies of everything. No one is going to look after your loved one's best interests better than you as the scandals throughout the VA system and Walter Reed can attest to.

I also urge family members who have loved ones coming home with erratic behavior to consult with a specialist and get an MRI done. Some vets are returning home without even realizing they have suffered a TBI (traumatic brain injury). I'm paying money out of my own pocket for my son's medical appointments that are all related to his PTSD. The VA isn't picking any of it up at this time.

In spite of how my son was treated, he would still go to battle for this country and for his family. No matter what the PTSD has done to change him, he is and always will be my hero.

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Showing 1-2 of 2 comments

Submitted By: Beverly McClure

posted on 7/25/2008 @ 12:42:57 PM

Rated Story

My prayers are with you and your son that he receives the treatment he needs to make him whole again. Please thank your son for me for sacrificing so much for people he doesn't even know. He and all the others like him are my heros too.

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Submitted By: BRENT PROFFITT

posted on 7/24/2008 @ 7:29:34 PM

Rated Story

Your story is a very sad one and I can tell it is true. It seems that our country wants men to serve their country, but when their job is over they pretend that they do not know them. This is a sad thing to happen that has effected your son. There are no telling how many with the same injuries and having are hard time getting anyone to hear their cries. We need to get together and act in groups rather than each person having to do all the work. There is more power in numbers. I hope your son gets the help he needs and may God Bless him and your family.

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Monica Newton

Wichita Falls , TX

Monica Newton has posted 5 stories and 0 comments since joining on 7/24/2008. Monica Newton's average story rating is 5.

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