Let's look ahead to the not-so-distant future for a few crime stories yet to appear in newspapers around the nation:
--Feb. 6, 2010 - Wichita Falls police reports state that a 24-year-old man was apprehended and charged with felony possession of materials used in the illegal production of trans fat with the intent to distribute it to others. The man will face up to 25 years in prison, and be forced to eat only rice cakes and broccoli during his incarceration at the maximum security federal Socialist Utopia Compliance Compound located in Leavenworth, Kan.
--Dec. 12, 2010 - A raid by a Los Angeles SWAT team on a suspected trans fat house yielded 200 cases of homemade hamburgers produced with "Nazi" style trans fat. A spokesman for the FBI - which played a part in the raid after President Barry Obama's Attorney General Hillary Clinton ordered it - stated that the hamburgers had been destroyed at the site (and were mighty tasty).
--Jan. 18, 2011 - Jesse Jackson, President Obama's Surgeon General, released a report on the danger of children being exposed to junk food and urged the formation of community informant groups around the nation to squash the problem before it gets out of hand.
--March 9, 2011 - News alerts announce that the ATF has surrounded what is believed to be the last remaining secret Keebler elf tree manufacturing location, in a remote location in Idaho. In the initial seige on the tree, four elves were arrested while taking a smoke break just outside the compound. They were booked on felony counts of smoking cigarettes under the 2009 law enacted by the Democrat-controlled Congress, and also will be facing charges relating to conspiracy to manufacture more than 1,000 pounds of E.L. Fudge Butter Sandwich Cookies with the intent to distribute.
You may have noticed the scary stories about the increasing effort by meddling social engineers who want to ban all trans fats and "punish" those who choose to have a snack or three. If you would like to express your thoughts - or a deep-seated dread - about the consequences of a potential nanny state running amok in the coming years, post a story or blog on YourHub.com. It's a simple and painless way to air your gripes or praises concerning what the duty and limits of government should be.
One problem with movements to ban specific food products deemed potentially harmful by some "experts" is that the fringe element is always lurking in the shadows - waiting for a chance to control and micromanage our daily lives.
The other problem is that those fringe elements tend to make up lies about those who love freedom and liberty, and who also oppose increased government intrusion into personal lives. Some of the lies would have you believe that those pushing for a return to less government intrusion are cold, heartless folks who don't care if you get heart disease or cancer.
Fortunately, the majority still have enough sense to understand that life cannot be lived without risk. It's a basic bottom line. Sometimes bad things - even very bad things - happen. Sometimes bad things even happen to good people.
It's called living and dying. You're not going to live forever. Get over it.
To think that the government - the one that did such a bang-up job of protecting Social Security and allowed our public educational system to deteriorate to such a sad level - should be allowed to dictate the approval of every morsel of food and drop of liquid we ingest is beyond laughable.
I am in favor of sensible labeling and education concerning potential food hazards for consumers. With fair warnings, we can make up our own minds about what to eat and what to buy for our families.
I think I'm going to go out and find the greasiest, best-tasting double-meat bacon burger I can find. I'll have to remember to tell them to hold the tomatoes, though.
Column written by Mark Wilson, orginally published Aug. 6, 2008, in the Wichita Falls Times Record News.